Hello my name is Sara Evelyn Thomas. As of now I am 15 years old. I have three sisters who I love very much. Angie, Maegan and Zoe. I have a Father and Mother. Bernard and Angela Tomas. I love to the ends of my being. My grandma also lives with us. She is Grandma Evelyn But, I call her "gma". I also have a dog who I love dearly. That's my family who I love. That is just background information that will be needed for later post. Other words, this is now my diary/journal/subjects for novels to be/inspiration for artwork/etc,.
I am writing this due to self-motivation and Hollywood movies. More specific, "The curious case of Benjamin Button". A short review of it being a boy was born as a elderly man, in that case growing up actually is growing... younger. When I went to see this with all the girls (Maegan, Maigan, Vanessa, Kelly, Angie, Jinelle), I had no idea what to expect. So as the movie was unveiled for the three ours that the move was, I cried... The whole time. Just a warning if you want to see it, I suggest not to read the next few sentences. But, I sat there next to, two of my best friends, I was only one who was crying. Minute after minute nothing went right for him. Minute after minute someone he loved, cared for, died infront of him. At the moment when the lady who didn't remember well but, impacted him the most died, it stuck me. I am so afraid of death.
In the car ride home (Kelly Ehling, Vanessa Cruz and Maigan Blanton), who are my three mains girls, sit and talked about dying. How they wanted to, which of course meant/lead to how they didn't want to die. When they finished commenting on how "they aren't afraid of death, just how they will". I looked at them when they were finished, turning around in the car and said, "I'm terribly afraid of death." Then I told them how no one in my family has died and the two closest to death are my Grandma and my Dog. Which sends me into a long 30 minutes of deep sobbing, which i continued when I got home to write this. Then that lead to a long, awkward and quiet ride home.
If I think about it now, how life would be without the two of them, it's sad. How life would be without the random food she will make for me. How can I live without having to repeat my every word I say? Or yell at her cause, she'll say something I don't like. Or all the random things she buys cause, she'll think I like them. And I end up taking them for granted. How can I love without my grandma? But, also how can I live without my puppy who licks my feet when I'm sad... and happy? Or lie without her sweet bark to let us know she's done outside and wants in. Or when we touch her tail so many times, she'll get mad and start to play with us. How can I live without my Buttercup? How can I live without that?
It made me think on all this. About how death happens, whats at the end of it. Who have died and why? All the things and people that they leave behind, made me realize something that hasn't crossed my mind. Having to meet people, have to fall in love with them, have them rip your heart out, or leave you altogether. Having to fall on them or on yourself. Oh good Lord, help me. Please slow down the clock of times. All the seconds and minutes. For goodness sake, the hours are even faster than seconds now. Please slow down the time. Because I just realized something, the something I'm so afraid of. I'm so afraid of...
Living.
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