Mother Bird.

Dear Mother Bird,

I've grown into a young lady now. I'm a young lady with all that comes with being a young bird. The wings, the knowledge, the senses, the tastes. But, as my siblings in the nest grow and produce new works I feel almost pressured from you, them and all birds surrounding me. Truth is, Mother Bird, I'm hesitant to fly.

There are many reasons that I've come to this reasoning. Well once being tat I'm not sure how to fly exactly. I'm so used to being taking care of. If I mess up you were always there for me with love and support. Always bringing the food when I was tired and of course hungry. Mother Bird it almost scares me to think I applied for a job. I show you confidence but, I'm scared to certain death. I'm not sure I can deal with having to go in everyday and deal with people just going on their way. Truth is, Mother Bird, I'm not ready to fly.

All my friends, may I add this, know all these things I still don't even know about. They know all about these hings of drugs and stuff strictly bound for a happy, married life (well, I believe) and I still consider making out gross. Uh, God, please help them. Mother Bird, I'm surrounded by drunks and drug addicts. They are my friends but, I can't even bear to tell them that it is wrong. I can barley get myself to eve talk to them sometimes. I've never tried that stuff, and why would I have? I have a wonderful life and the gap they want and need to fill, is already filled in me. Don't I Mother Bird? Aren't you proud of me Mother Bird? Please be proud of me Mother Bird. I yearn and desire for your approval of what I do. I want to make you happy the great amount possible. I have Jesus, I don't need that stuff. Truth is, Mother Bird, I rather not dare to fly in that direction.

Oh Mother Bird, I just thought of the scary winds and the scary currents that the wind carries with them. Oh how people are one way then the next. I'm so scared, I am less then enthusiastic of flying and then spreading my knowledge. If I only had the joy like my little sister Zoe has about the Lord. How she can dance about the living room to, "God Rocks!". Mother Bird, what ever happened to me? What ever happened to that burning desire in me Mother Bird? I still remember all the times I sang to you those over-played but, still sun songs about how Jesus loves us and we love him. How before I ever went to Church, I'd ask Grandma almost every Sunday, "When are we going to Church?" I always thought of Church highly and I still do Mother Bird.

Whenever I feel the soft love and care of men. The soft relaxed feeling of just living life as it goes. I feel the not rushed sense in the services and the pure love in Pastors eye when he comes to hug me. I love the love of my Youth pastors and my Youth Leaders, no matter how much I like to annoy them. I love the few good friends I made there and the those I'm yet too meet. I love love those Wednesday nights when Justin will open a new aspect of God that just makes me love him even more. I love him now, I feel closer and closer to him every time I go there. I also love the feeling of how there is still so much more to learn about him. I still remember that time Mother Bird, where I was laying there and he whispered softly to me what he wanted me to do with me in my life, the words spoke so clearly to me. They were so precious, kind and understanding. They were, "I want you to be a minister with your music Sara, I will help you, just follow and love me." Oh how sweet and precious his voice is Mother Bird. I know you've heard it before such a sweet, sweet voice.

Mother Bird, I guess I am including all this in my novel to say Thank you. I wan to thank you for being so protective over me. Always making sure I have the right friends and the right motives. I say thank you that I haven't wanted to try things I shouldn't have. I thanks for the loving heart and not wanting to have the love of a boy. I've like the same boy for three years and nothing has happened so don't fret Dear Mother Bird. I don't want to be hurt by the likes of a mere young boy who doesn't know left from right yet. I thank you for making sure I knew and loved God. I love Jesus, my best friend. I thank you Mother Bird. I thank you Mother Bird for teaching me how to get ready to fly.

Hello I'm Sara

Hello my name is Sara Evelyn Thomas. As of now I am 15 years old. I have three sisters who I love very much. Angie, Maegan and Zoe. I have a Father and Mother. Bernard and Angela Tomas. I love to the ends of my being. My grandma also lives with us. She is Grandma Evelyn But, I call her "gma". I also have a dog who I love dearly. That's my family who I love. That is just background information that will be needed for later post. Other words, this is now my diary/journal/subjects for novels to be/inspiration for artwork/etc,.

I am writing this due to self-motivation and Hollywood movies. More specific, "The curious case of Benjamin Button". A short review of it being a boy was born as a elderly man, in that case growing up actually is growing... younger. When I went to see this with all the girls (Maegan, Maigan, Vanessa, Kelly, Angie, Jinelle), I had no idea what to expect. So as the movie was unveiled for the three ours that the move was, I cried... The whole time. Just a warning if you want to see it, I suggest not to read the next few sentences. But, I sat there next to, two of my best friends, I was only one who was crying. Minute after minute nothing went right for him. Minute after minute someone he loved, cared for, died infront of him. At the moment when the lady who didn't remember well but, impacted him the most died, it stuck me. I am so afraid of death.

In the car ride home (Kelly Ehling, Vanessa Cruz and Maigan Blanton), who are my three mains girls, sit and talked about dying. How they wanted to, which of course meant/lead to how they didn't want to die. When they finished commenting on how "they aren't afraid of death, just how they will". I looked at them when they were finished, turning around in the car and said, "I'm terribly afraid of death." Then I told them how no one in my family has died and the two closest to death are my Grandma and my Dog. Which sends me into a long 30 minutes of deep sobbing, which i continued when I got home to write this. Then that lead to a long, awkward and quiet ride home.

If I think about it now, how life would be without the two of them, it's sad. How life would be without the random food she will make for me. How can I live without having to repeat my every word I say? Or yell at her cause, she'll say something I don't like. Or all the random things she buys cause, she'll think I like them. And I end up taking them for granted. How can I love without my grandma? But, also how can I live without my puppy who licks my feet when I'm sad... and happy? Or lie without her sweet bark to let us know she's done outside and wants in. Or when we touch her tail so many times, she'll get mad and start to play with us. How can I live without my Buttercup? How can I live without that?

It made me think on all this. About how death happens, whats at the end of it. Who have died and why? All the things and people that they leave behind, made me realize something that hasn't crossed my mind. Having to meet people, have to fall in love with them, have them rip your heart out, or leave you altogether. Having to fall on them or on yourself. Oh good Lord, help me. Please slow down the clock of times. All the seconds and minutes. For goodness sake, the hours are even faster than seconds now. Please slow down the time. Because I just realized something, the something I'm so afraid of. I'm so afraid of...

Living.